Unsteady
by Lackluster Brilliance
Summary: Just another angst piece because that's what I'm feeling


**So** _ **the angst master is back guys! And I mean fuck. I really don't have too much of an explanation other than this song and some ex girlfriend feels. Yes I know there are no character in this, and that's because they kept shifting in my mind, so for this piece, the characters are up to you. I saw my girlfriend and I. My friend saw Clarke and Lexa. Who do you see?**_

* * *

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady_

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady_

 _Mama, come here_

 _Approach, appear_

 _Daddy, I'm alone_

 _'Cause this house don't feel like home_

 _If you love me, don't let go_

 _If you love me, don't let go_

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady_

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady_

 _Mother, I know_

 _That you're tired of being alone_

 _Dad, I know you're trying_

 _To fight when you feel like flying_

 _But if you love me, don't let go_

 _If you love me, don't let go_

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady_

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady_

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady_

* * *

Knees drawn up, she could feel her stare from across the room but she couldn't make herself move to do anything about it. There were tears cutting salty tracks down her cheeks, but she couldn't do anything to stop that either. Was there even a point? How did this happen even?

She bit down on her knuckle hard to choke back the sob. They were fighting again. They were fighting AGAIN. It was all they ever did now. They weren't THEM anymore, fuck they were barely even people anymore, but it meant so much to her. Them. Us. Mine and yours. That was everything to her, but how can nothing be everything? There was no more late night whispers, silly dances in the kitchen, or the little things. Instead they had been replaced by screaming matches in the kitchen, dodging thrown words and stepping over the shattered pieces of their hearts and they screamed and screamed, the little things now creating nothing but more strife.

She knew what was coming, before she even heard that sharp intake of breath, before she heard the soft footsteps towards her. She could have moved, could have said something, should have said something, should have done ANYTHING but just sit there, but she was paralyzed where she sat.

"Baby?" She whispered, her loud voice so soft now. Broken just like her, her voice cracked as she tried to speak. "We. We can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore."

"So leave." She replied, her voice monotone and expressionless. Everything was gone and so was she.

"Baby please," she pleaded. "I can't do this, but I can't leave you either."

She laughed mirthlessly as the tears fell. "Can't leave, can't stay. Anything you can do?"

"I can hold on to you because you're the only god damn thing in this fucking world I have left!" She cried. "I still fucking love you!"

God was there even a fucking point? Why was she fighting for something that obviously wasn't there anymore? Why did she even bother? They were gone. The love was gone. The happiness was gone. But she still couldn't just walk away. Because the love was there once upon a time. The complete and unquestionable happiness was there before. Because she still remembered what it felt like when everything was okay and when she knew that someone loved her. All of her and she didn't have to hide anymore.

"You still love me," she sneered. Anger. She had to latch onto the anger because if she didn't the sadness would be just too much to take. "You still love me but you can't do this anymore. You still love me but you can't be there when I FUCKING NEEDED YOU!"

She ground her teeth, quivering as she tried to hold back the tidal wave of emotions before she did something she really regretted. Because she wasn't really angry. Because she didn't really want to hurt her. There was just so much inside of her but she didn't want to face the cold truth of reality now.

Because in reality, she was hurt. She was so hurt beyond words, that she didn't even know how to process it. The pain inside of her was so unbelievably mind numbing and all encompassing that it took everything inside of her to hold all of her little pieces together. Because the truth was she was actually terrified of losing the only good thing in her miserable life she'd ever found. She was everything to her, the light she searched for so desperately in the dark, the angel she prayed for every night as she cried herself to sleep. Because the real truth was that she didn't want her to leave, but she couldn't stand for her to stay. And though she tried she didn't know what to do, but she knew this was the tipping point and no matter what, after tonight something was going to change.

They were both crying now, one with fists clenched and chin high as she tried so desperately to hold herself together, the other with her eyes squeezed shut and her knees drawn up as she tried to shut out the storm raging on around her. The immovable object had been struck by the unstoppable force and now something had to give. Something had to give soon too before everything just shattered beyond repair, before it couldn't be fixed.

"It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride."

"When did you learn about Ruskin?" She mumbled.

"That art class you made me take a few years ago," she sniffed, tentatively reaching out with her hand before bringing it back sharply. "I ah- it was a quote she had painted on the wall. And it stuck with me."

She didn't respond, only instead drawing herself into an even tighter ball.

Trembling, she reached out, only this time she didn't pull away. Placing her hand on her shoulder lightly, she tried not to think about the way she flinched and tensed beneath her. She tried so hard not to think about how once upon she used to relax under her careful and révérant touches. About how once upon a time they fit so well together and-

No, now was not the time to get lost in thoughts like that.

"You know. I hated that class. I'm so bad at art and I could never understand why you demanded I take it. And I could say that I get it now but to be honest I still don't know why you made a law major take an art class," she paused here, trying to gather her thoughts, trying to stay composed as she wanted nothing more than to just collapse and let the pain out. But she had to say this, had to at least try one last time. "But it made you happy and to be honest that's all that matters in the end. That's all that has ever mattered."

She said nothing. She kept her hand on her silent companion's shoulder, but she had bared her soul. And there was nothing more she could do. Neither one said nothing and she lost hope.

Nodding, she accepted her fate. In the end she brought this upon herself. She wasn't there. When she needed her most, she wasn't there. And instead of fixing it then, she just let them break further and further apart, and now they were an ocean away and she was trying to paddle back to her with a broken paddle in a sinking boat. Loosening her grip, she turned to walk away. This was it and she had to accept it.

Suddenly her wrist was caught in a familiar grip. Stopping short, back still turned to the woman who was once the love of her life, she barely dared to even breathe.

"Don't leave me." Her voice was scarcely even a breath.

"Never." She forced out past the lump in her throat. Turning around now so she could face her girl, she could FEEL the tension, the emotions swirling all around in the room.

"Just hold me?" She whispered, pleaded silently with tear stained eyes that she couldn't ever deny even at her strongest.

So she did. She wrapped her up in her arms and held her like her life depended on it because right now it very well did. She knew they weren't fixed, but in this moment they had hope. A small little ray of hope in this dark nightmare that was now their lives. But it was all she had, and in that moment, with her girl crying into the crook of her shoulder and she sobbed into hers, that tiny ray was enough.

It had to be.


End file.
